back to the root

14 days to go, there’s no choice but force myself to do harder than before, i feel bit nervous, what if i fail? but i should no care about that, which just deteriorating the preparation, instead, just take it as a man, if you ready to win, just prepare to lose, even in a lost, there’s some lesson to be taken which is not available in victory. no need to moan, sigh, or regret if we’ve already done the best we could.
for your information, the situation surrounding the preparation is bit unclear, as there’s still no definite feedback from the exam’s commitee whether all my (requirement) documents, i sent it before, are already approved or not, or even it didn’t arrive to the address written on the envelope just because a silly mistakes from post officer which simply ruin all my hope this year, but i think that’s just unnecessary fear that i’ve made myself without any valid reason. so i’ve to throw that away.
and i need to find an “escape” to distract all my attention to the worries itself, i think writing is one of the “escape”. in english additonally to add the challanges in writing it self, so my concentration will fully absorbed in this activity that (hope) can ease my mind during the prep time.

23 days to go, and tonight i’ve made up my mind to apply more tight rule in running my life, i cannot let myself go with the flow of laziness, as i have one big dream to get, maybe it’s gonna be different case if i dont have, so i can be a laidback people along of my life, but, for now, i have made some plan for the future in anticipating whatever gonna be happen, but once again, all i need to do for now is just regaining my whole focus to one thing, the one that will happen 23 days from now on. ok, what happened today? yup, as usual, today is just like the other days, 8-5 workhour, the same meals, even i started getting “enough” with these all, and trying to seek an escape gate. but one thing, today i have a courage to tell someone about something that i should have told her 1 or 2 days ago. even, i didnt told all that i have to tell, approximately just 50%, but it’s already good for a person who has been long time didn’t this kind of stuff. i’m gonna tell her another 50%, before get all my focus to d4 entrance exam.

26 days to the d-day, the exam day i mean, the only ticket (so far i think so) for me to go reaching my dreams, the entrance gate to radicalize my frozen brain and idealism, and the chance to be young again, i need this scholarship, not merely because to continue my education grade to the higher level or even to raise my salary after graduating, but once again, i just need time, all i need is time, time and chance that i won’t waste for the second time, i will use my every single second of my time to sought after what i want to, i’m speechless for now, i don’t want to be a laidback people, the way that i use to be, but still, the laziness is my #1 enemy, no need to be told why, you must already know. now, i need to regain .. and regaining the focus to aim my future. the future that i will shape it myself, just do or fail, even failure is better for me than never have a try.